Geology Humor

You Might Be a Geologist If ...

1. You own more pieces of quartz than underwear.
2. Your rock collection weighs more than you do.
3. Your rock garden is located inside your house
4. You can pronounce the word "molybdenite" correctly on the first try.
5. You don't think of "cleavage" the same way everyone else does.
6. You have ever uttered the phrase "have you tried licking it" with no sexual connotations involved
7. You think the primary function of road cuts is tourist attractions.
8. You find yourself compelled to examine individual rocks in driveway gravel.
9. You're planning on using a pick and shovel while you're on vacation.
10. Your internet home page has pictures of your rocks.
11. You will walk across eight lanes of freeway traffic to see if the outcrop on the other side of the highway is the same type of rock as the side you're parked on.
12. You can point out where Tsumeb is on a world globe.
13. The baggage handlers at the airport know you by name and refuse to help with your luggage.
14. You have ever found yourself trying to explain to airport security that a rock hammer isn't really a weapon
15. You never throw away anything.
16. You have ever taken a 22-passenger van over "roads" that were really intended only for cattle
17. You consider a "recent event" to be anything that has happened in the last hundred thousand years
18. You have ever had to respond "yes" to the question, "What have you got in here, rocks?"

Geologists are amazing. They know hundreds of words for different sorts of dirt and hundreds of words for things it does when left alone for a few million years. (By: Thomas Kettenring)

A BRIEF GUIDE TO SCIENTIFIC LITERATURE

The following phrases, frequently found in technical writings, are defined below for your enlightenment.

It has been long known:	I haven't bothered to check the references
It is known:	I believe
It is believed:	I think
It is generally believed:	My colleagues and I think
There has been some discussion:	Nobody agrees with me
It can be shown:	Take my word for it
It is proven:	It agrees with something mathematical
Of great theoretical importance:	I find it interesting
Of great practical importance:	This justifies my employment
Of great historical importance:	This ought to make me famous
Some samples were chosen for study:	The others didn't make sense
Typical results are shown:	The best results are shown
Correct within order of magnitude:	Wrong
The values were obtained empirically:	The values were obtained by accident
The results are inconclusive:	The results seem to disprove my hypothesis
Additional work is required:	Someone else can work out the details
The investigations proved rewarding:	My grant has been renewed

(By: Chris Taylor)

 

IF SCIENTISTS WROTE NURSERY RHYMES

A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.

One member of the team precipitately descended, sustaining severe fractural damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure. Subsequently, the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction taken by the first member.

< Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, And Jill came tumbling after.>

(By: Jennifer M)