As you prepare to send your students off to begin the first year of college, or to begin at a new college, there are normal changes that might affect your family in this process. While some of you may have had a student leave home before, keep in mind that the adjustments you and this student face will be unique. Your student will spend the coming years exploring life, including academic interests, careers, and all the excitement that college has to offer.  Here is some advice to parents from new students.

Tip #1 – Don't ask them if they're homesick.

The power of association can be a dangerous thing. The first few days/weeks of school are activity-packed and friend-jammed and the challenge of meeting new people and adjusting to new situations takes a majority of a new student's time and concentration. So unless they're reminded of it (by a well-meaning parent), they'll probably be able to escape homesickness.  And even if they don't tell you during those first few weeks, they do miss you.

Tip #2 – Write. (Even if they don't write back.)

Although new college students are typically eager to experience all the away-from-home independence they can in those first weeks, there's nothing more depressing than a week of empty mailboxes. However, don't expect a reply to every letter you write or e-mail message you send, especially during times of "academic overload" such as midterms and finals)

Tip #3 – Ask questions (but not too many).

Most first-year college students desire the security of knowing that someone from home is still interested in them. Parental curiosity can be alienating or supportive depending on the attitudes of the persons involved. Honest inquiries and other "between friends" communication and discussion will do much to further the parent-student

Tip #4 – Don't worry (too much) about stressed-out phone calls or letters.  Often when troubles become too much for a first-year student to handle (a flunked test, ended relationship, and shrunken T-shirt all in one day), the only place to turn, write, or dial is home. Often, unfortunately, this is the only time that the urge to communicate is felt so strongly, so you never get to hear about the "A" paper, the new friend, or the domestic triumph. In these "crisis" times, your student can unload trouble or tears and, after the catharsis, return to routine, relieved and lightened, while you inherit the burden of worry.  Be patient with those nothing-is-going-right-I-hate-this-place phone calls or letters.
 

Tip #5– Visit (but not too often)  Visits by parents are another part of the first year events that new students are reluctant to admit liking but appreciate greatly.  Visits give them a chance to introduce some of the important people in both of his/her worlds (home/school) to each other.  Additionally, it’s a great way for parents to become familiar with their childs new activities, commitments, and friends.  Spur of the moment “surprises” are usually not appreciated.
 

Tip #6– Do not tell them “These are the best years of your life”  The first year of college can be full of indecision, insecurities, disappointments and most of all, mistakes.  It’s also full of discovery, inspiration, good times, and exciting people.  It took a while for me to accept that being afraid, confused, overwhelmed, and making mistakes were all part of growing up.  Those parents who accept and understand the highs and lows of their student’s development are providing the support where it’s needed.
 

Tip #7 – Trust them.

One of the most important things my mom ever wrote me in my four years at college was this: "I love you and want for you all the things that make you the happiest; and I guess you, not I, are the one who knows best what those things are."

She wrote that during my senior year. I'm sure that it would mean as much to your student now as it did to me then.