OK, so you’ve dropped off your student at his/her new room in the residence hall and have returned home.  They’re living with a stranger they’ve never met.  You’re feeling worried, nervous, and a little more than anxious about how they are doing.  You hope they and their new roommate have hit it off splendidly, but you know sometimes life is not that simple.  You receive a phone call and things are not going as well as you had hoped.  Your student is experiencing difficulty and finds him/herself in conflict with their new roommate's habits, values or personality.  You’re concerned and want to help, but  you are several hours away and don’t want to be overly intrusive on their new found independence.  What is a parent to do?  Perhaps the following suggestions will be helpful:

• · Listen to your student’s concerns.

• · Though it may be difficult to not tell them what to do; ask them what they would like to do and help them sort through their options.

• · Give them support in their decision.

• · Encourage them to talk to their roommate about the things that the roommate is doing that bothers them.

• · If they don’t feel comfortable in talking to their roommate on their own, have them bring their concerns to their resident assistant so he or she may help.

• · Encourage your student to talk with their roommate early in the relationship about expectations they have of each other and the comfort level they have with guests, sleeping patterns, tidiness, etc…

• · Lastly, be patient because sometimes human relations move much slower than we would like and sometimes a Roommate conflict can be more stressful and painful for parents than it is for the students.

 In the end, if you are able to allow your student to deal with the issue on their own terms, the will have learned a very valuable skill that will serve them well during the rest of their college career and will increase their confidence in dealing with other more difficult situations in the future.

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